New changes - Graduation, number 5 and maternity leave

I have longed forgotten this space of mine. Reason being; I was pregnant with my number 5. It seemed like yesterday that I was blogging about baby Arrian. There were a few changes to our current situation. The helper was sent home due to her personal reason, I graduated, I gave birth to number 5 and currently on maternity leave. Let's do bit of catch up.

Pregnant and giving birth to number 5

I never knew how bittersweet a moment can be till I am a mother of 5

I found out that I was pregnant with #5 in January. I have missed my period. Therefore the next step was to take a pregnancy kit test. I was so nervous that I didn't want to see the result and asked the hubster to see the result. IT WAS POSITIVE. I wasn't exactly happy in fact to be exact I was damn bloody pissed. First being; Baby Arrian has just turned 2 and started school. Secondly, I have just lost weight and could fit to a size S (I know I am being superficial but it was a lot of handwork and perseverance to lose weight). And thirdly, we have just recovered from a bad financial year and were slowly recovering from the bad decisions we have made. We were even thinking of aborting the baby #subhanallah BUT I thanked Allah for this little miracle. My journey with her was not exactly smooth. I had morning sickness and spotting throughout the pregnancy. Noone knew I was pregnant till I was around 5 months. I didn't want anyone to know as I was afraid that the pregnancy will not survive. I had recurring nightmares of holding a bloodied baby in my arms. It was really a test of my faith. However, this pregnancy has strengthen my faith in Allah. There was a time where I was in so much pain but yet I didn't want to give birth because I was so afraid that the baby or I will die. I don't know why but I kept thinking about death. It was heart wrenching. I cried in fear. I was shivering like a mad woman. In the end, I listened to the surah-surah especially Al-baqarah to calm me down. Alhamdulilah I was able to sleep through. I prayed for a peaceful and calm birth. Everything went smoothly even though prof biswas gave me medication to quicken my contractions. Ariana Nur Qaseh was born at around 3pm on 29 August 2016 with a birth weight of 2.7kg. I stayed for a day. This time round I had an easy confinement period as the hubster was around to tend to my needs and he took care of Qaseh while I recuperated. My mum cooked my confinement meals. I am so blessed.

Steamed fish with beancurd cooked by mum

The hubster tried cooking sesame chicken and mixed vegetable

Overall, being pregnant and giving birth to number 5 had been an emotional journey for me. I was judged and told that I should plan. I was criticised for "adding burden" to my family. People were making funny remarks and it wasn't healthy for my emotional wellbeing. I cried and cried and hated myself for being pregnant. However, I thanked my mum and sister for supporting me and giving me the strength to pursue on. I didn't even buy anything for baby Qaseh as I was so afraid of her not surviving. However, seeing her now, smiling and laughing, makes me feel blessed. I told myself that I will treasure baby Qaseh and love her as much as I love her siblings. I will give her the same amount of love that her siblings had received. Therefore, after the confinement period had ended, we bought for her things that she needed. I am truly amazed at how Allah has promised that each child came with their own sustenance. We were blessed by HIS grace.#alhamdulilah

Graduation

I finally graduated
P.S: I was heavily pregnant at 8 months

My graduation ceremony was one of the changes that I had looked forward to. To most people, a diploma is just a piece of paper. However, to me, it was sheer handwork and determination to complete it. I had to defer due to my pregnancy and joined another cohort. I was blessed in so many ways to be part of a group that consisted of my old cohort mates. We persevered and cried together as we willed our way to complete the never-ending assignments. We worked in the morning and rushed to school at night. We were doing this for our future and for those who were taught by us. Having a diploma helped to raise the quality of teaching. Through the diploma course, I was able to provide age appropriate materials and use appropriate teaching style to my students. It had helped me teach my own children better as I understand the different styles that my children have. As of now, I have applied for bachelor in early childhood with psychology at SIM. This will further enhance my teaching skills as an early childhood educator.

Life as it is now-maternity leave

I am now on maternity leave. I have been taking care of Baby Qaseh and Baby Arrian most of the time. The older ones have just finished their exams #alhamdulilah. My journey as a mother of 5 has just begun. I wondered how I will survive in near future. I really hope for the best and to give my best like I always do. Work may have to take a backseat but I still love my job as it is something that I am passionate about. I hope to continue updating this space for my children to look back at it in future.

My very own Hi5